Wounds that won’t heal

Today I went to see a show. It was spectacular. It starred an old friend of mine from school. We lost touch, we haven’t spoken in years…

I was reminded today of how it ended. Of how, had I known about my schizophrenia back then things could have been so much different, but I didn’t know…neither did she.

Like with her, I’ve lost so many friendships to this disease, so many people have come and gone from my life.

And it hurts. Every single one of those lost people is a wound that won’t heal…if only they had known, if only I had known. But I didn’t. And neither did they.

And now, now it is too late, whatever chemistry there once was is now gone and the gap in years cannot be made up.

So I am left with the people I meet…yet I cannot start by saying “hello, I am schizophrenic” or that would drive them away, so do I start with a lie? When exactly is the right time to say it? For if they do not know, then the outcome can only be one, the one I’ve always known…

we need more awareness about mental health, about schizophrenia. So that there is more understanding, so that I can be upfront about it and not have to fear the worst….